I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
