some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
