And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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