were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
