this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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