I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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