I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
