I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
