Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
