Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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