anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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