I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
do nipples grow back?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
