That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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