she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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