we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
