dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
