I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There r osticjed everywhere
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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