I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did i walk over a car last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
