I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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