So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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