He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
