Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
