How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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