This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
