i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
