so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
