The maid of honor just puked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
