I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
