somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
