mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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