Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
