I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
