so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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