i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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