Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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