I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
