um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
