While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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