I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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