thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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