believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bring money and cleavage
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
