a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
