birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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