I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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