I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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