They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
