she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
