woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
