I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
