belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if i can run in heels then i can drive
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
