We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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