I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
