i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
