So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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