Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize