If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
