There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
