Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize