Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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