how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
