We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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