I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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