She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
