She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
