His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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