Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
