Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
