I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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