well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
