Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
