I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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