she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
