rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
